There he was. My baby !! The nurses were all in the room and just in awe. They kept saying how beautiful he is. Such a perfect baby. That he didn't look all wrinkled like most do. They were so happy they place the baby on my stomach for me to see. But, I wasn't supposed to see. I wanted to and did. But the pain of sending him away is one that can only be understood by another mother. One that wants her baby. I had to pull myself away for a long time, even during pregnancy and had to zone in on the mindset that it would not be possible for me to take him home. I reminded them of social services. I could not hold him or I would keep him and my life was not in any position let alone a good one to have a baby in it.
I had such a hard time in labor it took weeks to heal. During this time all I thought about was Glenn and how damn hard it will be to always, ALWAYS wonder where he would be. How he would be. And would he ever understand why this had to be done? My heart ached so damn bad. I felt more lost and alone now then ever. Perhaps I am letting go the only person that might have ever loved me and that is all I ever wanted to do is love somebody. But, now this dream , this wish, is gone with all the rest of them.
I began eventually to focus on a better job and went for a factory position making incense. I would work second shift. Both Leita and I were hired at the same time and this would be great for both of us. Of course I was not of the legal age requirement but I had to work. So, besides altering my age I was in there.
My brother had decided that I needed a coach. A manager sort of. He wanted to build my confidence and decided I should work out on this thing called the bull worker. Hmmm, you men might know what this thing is. Every single night when I got home from work he would be waiting and my work out would begin. I became very good with this thing and this thing became my arm wrestling match after time. What this did for me was build my confidence. I was getting stronger inside and out.
One of the biggest reasons he was doing this is because Shelli was still attacking me at any chance she had. Funny thing is she wasn't even living there any more. But, when she came to visit she would demand me to do this and to do that. And her eye brows some how would curl up her head and one eye would widen and she looked at me to threaten my fate. Heath wanted me to be able to take a stand one day for good and to never look back.
This day was now here. It was late in the evening, like after midnight and here she comes. She was wearing a wig extension...long. A black dress but I swear it was a shirt. High heels. Big loop earrings and of course her wicked long curled finger nails comes to the house. It was cold this night and I was on the couch. Heath was in the recliner. We had just finished my work out. I was now going to relax so I had a blanket. When she comes in she demands me to give her my blanket. I calmly replied for her to get her own. But, this was not acceptable. We had a battle of words over it for a while, but I was not prepared to give in this time. Heath was just a rocking in this recliner, He was about to see what he had been creating. Where I was at in training.
So, after the harsh threatening words she slaps my glasses off my face. I wear glasses because of my vision and now all I could see was a shadow and her voice I could hear. I just literally went after her. I released so many years in this small amount of time. She said during that I best not tear her wig off and many other things.
Heath never stepped in but then I think he wanted it to go the way it did. Finally, she left the house. Once I finally found my glasses I saw her wig on the floor. Her high heels that was broken. Her jewelry left behind on the floor. There were pieces and parts of her scattered all about. I looked at Heath and he was still rocking in this chair.But we looked each other in the eyes and he just smiled and knodded with satisfaction. For me, today would be a major step. It would be the first time I actually physically fought back and it looked like I won !!!!
Love "Patches"
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