Today I would learn way more then I wanted to. I did come to accept that I indeed was in love with Cliff and he was telling me the same. He loves me. But when he came to see me today I told him I had something to tell him. He picked me up and put me on the counter. I told him and was hoping that he would be happy. And that he would want to make a family, to have a family. His childhood wasn't to much better then mine. But the first thing he told me was. "Wow, you are the 14th one." I was not sure how to interpret this. Was he serious or a joke. A sick joke if that is what it was.
But as my luck would have it, it was no joke. I would find out some of the girls that were indeed pregnant from him. One of them I became very very good friends with. Not just her but her whole family as they were let's say struck by the hand of Cliff. For Sheila during her pregnancy, Cliff made her haul vegetables up and down a very big driveway to sale. On a few very hot days. She would have a mis-carriage because of it. One other he was married to but now divorced. But where are the 12. How could this be? As the time would go on and I would find him in town he was always with a lot of girls and not once were they any other but his cousins. A big big family he had, had this been true.
I was not working now or in school I was in hiding from the world. Ma did not make me go away. But, she did accept the plan on adoption. With that we made arrangements with the social service department on how that would be done.
The time was nearing now and Ma was actually going very easy on me. I think she was beginning to feel sorry for me as she knew what my very near future was going to hold. I never had classes or pre-natal care. Nothing like that. Didn't have a clue what was going to happen.
I never craved pickles and still don't. But my weakness was hot fudge cakes. MMMMMM. My Ma loved them too, so here is what we would do. We would go to one at one end of the town and then go to the other. Yep, it was hot fudge hopping. We surely didn't want to look like a pig at one of them and they were always to small to not want more. Another thing we did was rush over railroad tracks. Ma said this would help to start labor. I was mixed about this. My stomach by now was very big and whatever was in there I knew was going to be painful. I wanted it over but not sure if that was now or if I wanted to wait a good 10 or 20 yrs.
Was I mentally ready for the pain?
I haven't seen Cliff in quite some time now. My heart told me what he was doing but I just didn't want to accept it. And for now I needed to really focus on the birth of Glenn. Don't ask how I came up with this name, I have no clue. It's different though huh?
Love "Patches"
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