Today was going to be a good day !! I could feel it. Off I went to school. I still took the bus there but I was walking home more then usual after. I found the walk was refreshing for me. I had so much time to think and process things. Clear my mind where nobody would be around me to alter my thoughts or crush my dreams. Yep, I still had them. The walk one way would be about ten miles. But, I could do it in no time at all.
Good thing too as I did get a job at a restaurant after school making salads. I was 13 now and this was a good job for a kid my age. It also got and kept me away from home. Made me money and I would be able to buy some clothes. Seems clothes is something I want. But, it's seeing all the kids in school and my sister wearing all these really cool jeans and stuff and well, I guess you might get the visual of what mine may have been like. Heck, I still continued to take my sister's clothes and gamble that she would or not find out. I think she knew though because she put a couple of white mice in her drawer to deter me from borrowing her things. Hmmm, as I found the mice I couldn't help wonder if this was really normal as so many describe normal to be. If so then I knew darn well I was clearly on the side of abnormal for sure.
This restaurant job was great I got free supper there every night and my favorite was the spaghetti. The best ever !! With warm bread !! Mmmmm... Yep, I ate the same thing every night and they let me.
Cliff and I were also developing a close friendship. He would meet me after school and walk me to work. Then when I got off work at about 8 or 9 at night he would meet me to walk me home which from work was a good 6 miles. I really appreciated that he would do this and every night. He said he wanted to be sure I was ok. Which then made me wonder once more about my parents. I was 13 and walking that late at night in the dark alone had it not been for Cliff. But, there does come a time when you look at the situation and you have to dismiss many things. These folks just were never going to care about anything that happens to me good or bad. Once that is dealt with and you can accept that inside your inner heart and soul you can move forward with your dreams. But, you only move forward from such an experience and time at a very slow pace. Still taking baby steps one step at a time.
You can't help question yourself and your dreams and how you are going to make them happen. But your dreams become your fuel that keep you moving on. I had many dreams. I wanted to be out of there. Somebody to love me and me them. Some sort of normalcy should that be an option.
Those were my goals and my dreams and for many that may sound like nothing but for somebody like me it was going somewhere over the rainbow, way up high with blue birds. If this can happen to others why oh why can't I ?
Love "Patches"
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