Well, another chapter in Patches life. Cliff would now become a big piece of her journey. They were spending a lot of time together. Let's remember he is 10 yrs her senior. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. Extremely well built and the man of the town. Every girl wanted him. Why was he spending so much time with a little girl that had so many issues. The struggle to fit in to society would never end for Patches. She would take the back seat in any situation.That's where she thought she belonged. She was still very shy, although fighting it. To be apart of society looked so far away.Everybody seemed to have a good life, seemed happy. Were they, are they..or is this how they want to be seen by the world, but behind closed doors a very different chapter might be being written. Patches didn't know.But,she wanted to find out.
It is Patches birthday and well her birthday was never acknowledged. Shelli and Patches were one week apart on the calendar, so of course it would be celebrated on Shelli's day. But this birthday, Cliff was taking her out to dance. She was excited for sure. To be with this man that seemed to really care about her and now to take her dancing. He even took her out to eat. Mmmmm it was going to be a good day. Before going to the club though we stopped off at Cliff's house. What was about to happen was beyond what Patches could have envisioned. This would be the first time Cliff enforced himself on her. She was telling him no, no...don't do this. I don't want to do this. Please stop !! Stop !! But he was way stronger then Patches and soon the seed would be planted. The seed Patches would yet to learn more about in the coming months.
She felt violated and shamed and yet felt love for this man that had been so nice to her for these past few years. They continued to the club that night and danced. Beyond that the night was good. But, how would Patches process this now? She didn't know how she was supposed to feel but she only could go with what she was feeling. The shame and violation would haunt her soul and her spirit.
The thought of being pregnant would weigh on her mind every minute of the day. Hoping and praying that she had her moment. The first month would be late. No problem this happens. Second month she still does not have it. Now she knows there may be a bigger problem. Taking to her walks she walks and walks and walks. Thinks and searching to God, what to do. How could she deal with being pregnant. What would her Ma say and think about this? First she had to sort it out from within her. She had to know if she wanted to keep this baby before she told anybody. Once her decision was made she would take her stand . After many thoughts and deep soul searching, Patches makes the decision that no matter what she will have this baby. She may not be able to keep it, but she will give life. Regardless of what Cliff would become in her life didn't matter during this thought process. There was a seed planted and growing and just the thought of this was enough for Patches to go forward and fight for her baby. A real tough road would be awaiting her.
Patches always had a plan and this time it would be to go away, have the baby and that would be the end of it. Ma would be freaking out and she knew this. It was all about what somebody thought. And yes, I would now have shamed my Ma, although she doesn't know it yet. Nobody did. I waited and waited before I told anybody. The only one that knew was Leita, she was my one and only best friend. We would be thinking of names.
I took a great liking to Elvis and well that name would be high up there. Hmmmm so close. LOL
But first before names I had to plan more of what I was going to do with a baby. And how? Cliff seemed to have issues holding a job and literally lived in a renovated chicken coop. Yep, rubber chicken hanging from the ceiling and all that goes with it. Fish nets as curtains. Hmm looking back it was a very creative chicken coop. Some how this seed growing inside of me made me feel closer to Cliff. We were making a baby. A bit different then baking a cake with the Susie Q cake oven.
Patches was of course still in school and well, she knew she couldn't go once she started to show. The shame it would cause her Ma would be one issue and because of all the shames others were feeling, Patches would feel a thousand times more shameful about herself. Was she the only one this has ever happened to? Was everybody else so damn perfect. Where is this cloud that hovers over her? Her decision is made though and her heart again is already broken. She knows early she will have to give her baby up for adoption. Her heart brakes and aches.
Patches knows how to work and honest work at that.To go on the system was not acceptable. It wasn't what the family did. It was shameful. But how would she house,clothe and fee a little baby? Her heart comforted her into dealing with the adoption process. Knowing her baby would be housed,clothed and fed and ultimately loved. Her heart hoped and prayed that one day she would see her baby again. This thought process had to happen early so she would be ready and prepared in her spirit.
Love "Patches"
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