Did I have dreams? I did. Did I believe anything would or could come to pass? It was looking slim. I was giving up on hope but I was not ready to quit the fight. Not just yet. When Cliff returned home I was ironing and Glenn was right beside me eating mac and cheese. Cliff had a reputation to carry a knife on his belt and well through the years he felt I should have one as well. Although, mine was somewhere in the closet at this time.
When I confronted Cliff about my clothes he admitted that he had taken them to give to whomever. All the time he was supposed to be out looking for work. I came to the conclusion he was out setting up himself for when our moment which was about to occur did. I was so mad at him this time that we had a very heated argument. I demanded that he leave the house and to do it right then and there. He decided that this would be good but, that Glenn would be going with him. This man was no father, in fact he was no man. And, with his intent with the man that chased ma and I around town, all that ran through my mind was he was going to head to the baby market with Glenn and get what money he could. Yes, he would not give the shirt off his back he would take it. Now as he was about to leave he would have to go through two big entry doors to reach the main one. He grabbed Glenn and told me he was going with him and there was nothing I could do about it. Wow, I am sure that was running through my mind although I don't fully remember it. I know I was numb and thinking, ok, What the fuck !! Yep, pretty sure that was it. I had to react quick as this was happening fast. If he got away with Glenn now, I might never be able to find him and this would not be something I could deal with. Quickly I grabbed the fork that Glenn was using for his mac and cheese. I ran up behind Cliff as he was trying to get out these doors with Glenn in hand and I stabbed him. I did not hold back so I am pretty sure this fork went all the way in as far as it could go. I was done with this bullshit. Everybody is running off with my child. Everybody is tempting me to fucking go insane. How is it that I haven't gone insane yet? Well honestly, I am now 18 and felt like I have lived for 100 yrs.
He dropped Glenn and ran to the bathroom. I hurried to Glenn, got him and went to the bedroom to find my knife that Cliff himself got me. I felt for sure when he came out of that bathroom there would be a blood bath and I had to be ready. Ready for anything.
He would be in there for hours now. Sure, he could have died in there but actually that thought did not come to my mind. I was so wondering though why he was in there for so long. It would turn out he was tending to the fork ordeal. When he came out eventually I was there standing ready. But, this 6'3 tall 200 pound man headed quietly to the door and down the road. It was the best thing he could have done.
So here I remain with Glenn in this house I have to leave. I was more lost in this world then I thought could be possible. Every day I pondered why on earth am I here? Why? You know that question that rarely has an answer. What do I do now? Where do I go? And, how do I get there?
I waited a couple of days and called Ma and asked her to come for us. You see it was the US part that made her do the trip. If not for Glenn she would have left me there. This I know. But I also know I cannot continue in this way with Glenn. I have nothing. NOTHING at all and this is exactly what I did not want to happen for Glenn. I wanted him to have it all and that I could not give him. I could not give him anything at this time and from the looks of it I didn't know if that would ever change. So, we head back with my ma who now has her mobile home in and living there.
Away we go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love "Patches"
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